It's Latin American Night, Y'all!
(DWTS Week 4 Recap)

Week FOUR, boys and girls! The week had NEW dances with LIFTS!! Woo hoo!!

First up this week was Chuck "Can't really dance, but tryin' real hard" Liddell and Anna T. They took on the Two-Step, y'all. The Rehearsal footage showed what we all already know, pardners . . . Chuck Wagon got no wheels for dancin'. Seriously. They worked on lifts and Anna's hoping good ole boy Chuck didn't drop her on her keester. When they performed their Two-Step, Chucky showed he looked the part of a cowboy but he STILL couldn't dance the dance. The Boot Scoot Boogie was more of a Boot Scoot Clunkeeee. Len said Chuck did well on the lifts and that he's entertaining and a novelty but the quality of the dance wasn't there. Bruno said something about Chuck raiding and causing carnage to the Two-Step . . . ok, fine. Carrie Ann thought the Two-Step really suited Chuck and admired that though there wasn't a lot of grace, Chuck doesn't let the dance beat him. Actually, I thought the Two-Step kicked his biscuits and gravy but okay. (Cage Match Special - The Ice Man vs. The Two Step. To the DEATH!) SCORE: 17

Next we had Melissa Joan Hart and Mark B dancing the Charleston. (Coo-Coo-Cah-Choo) and we discovered from the Rehearsal footage that dancing the Charleston was a first for Mark. (Oh, lovely. The blind leading the blind) Mark took Melissa to a twenties club to help get her in character and it seemed to work. Their routine was lively and energetic and Melissa Joan Hart looked like she was having a magical time on the dance floor. Love the flapper girl costume she wore too. Bruno thought they brought the 1920s Hollywood Flapper Girl back to life and she handled the role 110%. Carrie Ann said that the Charleston was her dance and it was a breakthrough routine for Melissa. Len said the Charleston is all about energy, excitement, and entertainment and Melissa ticked all the boxes in her performance. SCORE: 28

Following the Flapper Teenage Witch was Natalie Coughlin and Alec. They danced the Bolero and from what I found out the Bolero is a slow-tempo Latin dance so it should be romantic, etc. The Rehearsal footage showed Alec telling Natalie that he's going to make the choreography difficult which is a HUGE risk with a relative non-dancer. Natalie said it was the hardest dance so far in the competition. The performance began slow and graceful and she looked quite nice in her dress. She seemed to have some nice poses throughout but then I no really NOTHING about this dance so . . . Carrie Ann was on the fence with Natalie's performance. Carrie Ann thought it was beautiful but Natalie struggled at times during the routine. Len thought it was beautiful and lyrical in movement but wanted to see more romance between Natalie and Alec. Bruno said that Natalie looked like Sharon Stone from Basic Instinct which he liked but didn't like the swimmer poses with her arms hurt her. Backstage Sammy asked Natalie if Natalie was being "swimmer" competitive in DWTS competition and Natalie just smacked Sammy upside the head. (JK! But wouldn't have that been just AWESOME??) SCORE: 24

Aaron Carter and Karina followed the Million Dollar Mermaid with the Lambada. I loved the Rehearsal footage that showed Karina telling Aaron to not be so pigeon toed and stick his butt out more. (Heh!) Aaron wants to bring some gymnastic move to their routine so they show footage of him training with an Olympic Gymnastic coach. (Ok, so he can flip. But can he dance the Lambada?) When Aaron began the dance with the flip and then went into these almost silly jerky movements, I thought, "Isn't the Lambada supposed to be this really hot, sexy Latin dance?" (Latin = Shake the Booty, baby!) Len seemed to agree with me (Or I with him) when he told Aaron that Aaron should have spent more time on the raunchy Lambada movements instead of the 2 second flip at the beginning. (Amen, brotha!) Bruno commented that Aaron needed to channel Giles Marini to get that sexy, Latin lover look/ feel (Ouch! ) and needed to perform more foreplay and sexiness. Carrie Ann thought Aaron needed to "chill out" and that he's trying to hard and it was a turn off to his dancing. (Yikes!) SCORE: 18

Iron Chef Host, Mark Dacascos, and his partner Lacey were up next dancing the Two-Step. Okay, I'm NOT trying to be racially insensitive or anything but it was a bit odd seeing an Asian man dancing a VERY American Country Western dance like the Two-Step. Just saying. Anyway, in rehearsal Lacey said that Mark is not very country. (DUH!!) Mark tried a country twang accent and . . . no. Stop that, Mark. Lacey did instruct Mark to lighten up cause he was thinking too much. Mark's performance of the Two-Step just looked awkward and he seemed flat footed throughout. Bruno thought Mark's confidence was much better but that Mark's footwork was way off. Carrie Ann thanked Mark for his Two-Step and said it was the best one of the night so far and she felt the chemistry between Mark and Lacey. Len loved the spins and it looked good overall though Mark was a bit heavy footed. SCORE: 22

Kelly Osbourne and Louis then danced the Charleston and in rehearsal Kelly told Louis that she LOVES Broadway musicals. However, she doesn't like the vocal sounds choreographers make while doing the steps. (So-rry, chickee!) Louis did this "run, run, run, turn, BUTT! that was funny. For the performance Louis was being the 1920's Vampire dancer and Kelly looked cute in her flapper attire. She did okay but her performance didn't "wow" me like some of her past performances. Carrie Ann said that Kelly is wonderful to watch and she lived up to the look. Len thought Kelly and Louis showed us proper Charleston. Bruno loved the Bob Faucy touches in their routine and that it was a very good performance. SCORE: 23

Joanna Krupa & Derek danced the Lambada and in rehearsal, Derek told Joanna that there is a LOT of grinding and thrusting in the dance. (Cause its FORBIDDEN, dude!) Derek choreographed some tricky moves to impress the judges and then we saw footage of Joanna and Derek volunteering to help others cause Disney, err, uh, I mean, abc network is promoting volunteerism so people can win trips to Disney Theme parks. ( It was a goofy segment so lets move on . . .) In their performance, Derek strips off his shirt and danced topless and Joanna does well with the side to side booty shaking but seemed stiff with the whole thrusting and grinding. Len complimented Derek by saying Derek doesn't disappoint with the choreography though the routine was a bit repetitious in some movements but overall it was great. Bruno thought he was watching "When Animals Get Physical" (Animal Planet. Check it out. Hee!) and their sexual energy was inCREdible. Carrie Ann hoped the children at home were in bed for that performance and Big Tom piped up that he hoped some parents were in bed for it too. (SNORT!) Carrie Ann said their performance was fueled by the crotch area (Yeesh!) and they did great. SCORE: 26

Then it was time for my favorite dancer of the night. Donny Osmond and Kym took on the Charleston and and Donny was frustrated in rehearsal and threw a tantrum. (Ya big baby!) Kym told Donny he needed to let himself go and not be scared about the pressure to dance well. And how did Donny do? Well, I thought he danced the spats off that Charleston though it did appear that is timing was a bit off at moments. Bruno said Donny showed the Showman in his element and was in control. However, Donny needed to be a bit sharper in his kicks. Carrie Ann thought Donny played to his strengths but his timing was a bit off though it was still great. Len said Donny looked good, he danced good, and watching him does him good. (Len? ENGLISH rules say Donny danced "well" not "good." Snort!) SCORE: 24

The Playmaker, Michael Irvin, and Anna D were up next with the Bolero and Pro Dancer Tony was brought into their rehearsal to help Mike make the play with the Bolero dance. Tony told Michael he needs to show more PASSION and don't just dance the dance but FEEEEL the dance. (Yeah, good luck with that.) Again, I no NOTHING at all about how the Bolero is supposed to be danced, but though Michael tried to appear gracefully romantic, I really didn't see much footwork or real romance between Mike and Anna for the dance. Carrie Ann said she saw the romance (Yeah, whatever.) but there wasn't enough actual dancing steps going on. Len thought it was economic of movement and that the score he would give would be higher than his typical 4. ( 4.5 perhaps?) Bruno said Michael's dancing is like the Economy. Each week they expect his performance to go up and it doesn't. SCORE: 16

Louie "Baggins" Vito and Chelsie took on the Two-Step for Week 4 and its the FIRST time for Chelsie to dance the Two-Step. Louie was struggling to feel the country vibe ( Hey, there's no cowboys in the Shire, folks!) so Louie and Chelsie go see Ty Murray so Ty can help Louie to cowboy up for the performance. The halfling and Chelsea danced to Sweet Home Alabama which was great cause I LOVE that song. Unfortunately, the song was the only thing I really loved about their routine. Seriously, the dude WALKED around the dance floor. Meh! Len branded Louie with a "FAIL" for doing nothing more than a series of walks followed by stopping and letting Chelsie dance around him. Bruno said Louie looked dazed and confused throughout and Louie did a dubious Two-Step. Carrie Ann agreed with me that the BEST part of the routine was the song. (You go, GIRL!) Carrie Ann took the spurs to Chelsie for the choreography. SCORE: 16

Our last dancing couple for the night was Mya and Dmitry dancing the Lambada. In rehearsal, Mya complained to Dmitry that his choreography is too complicated so they worked on the routine together. And did it work? In the performance, Mya had the hot, spicy, Latin hips a workin' and their Lambada routine had a HUGE dose of raunch in it so Len should have been happy. Bruno shouted that the routine was an eROTIC, exOTIC, roller coaster and he was exhausted after watching it. Carrie Ann said it was Mya on Fi-ya and very sexy. Len thought Mya set the standard high with her ability throughout the competition so Len would have liked to have seen MORE. (Oh, Len, you dirty old man, you.) SCORE: 28 (Carrie Ann and Bruno with 10's and Len with an 8. That was interesting.)

Well, that did it for Week 4 Performance Night. Mya once again stayed on top but shared that position with Melissa Joan Hart. Check back for the DWTS Week 4 Results Show Quickcap for details on who went home and what filler material the show used to keep us tuned in for 42 minutes. Could be fun . . . but then again.