Shaking Her Wobbly Bits . . .

DWTS Week 1 Recap

Dancing with the Stars Season 10 launched with a quick recap of the past NINE seasons with five years worth of clips boiled down into 3.5 seconds (Ok, WHO was that woman with Big Tom Bergeron? ~Quick Wiki search~ Lisa Canning? She was BEFORE Samantha Davis?? What the . . ) and after nine seasons we were back LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE on a NEW set and some other face lifts that we would see throughout the show.

Big Tom was joined with this season's new co-host Brooke Burke who was the mirror ball winner of DWTS Season 7. Brooke looked beautiful but that dress . . . (Oh, look, kids! The Grand Canyon!) Seriously, this show is becoming less and less a "family" show every season. Sigh.

First up was Chad Ochocinco dancing with Cheryl Burke (Yay!) In Rehearsal, Chad 85 put on lip balm and asked Cheryl to feel his lips. (Creepy, Dude!) Cheryl did crack me up with her "You suck, do it AGAIN!"

They performed the Cha Cha and Cheryl looked great in her dress and she's workin' the longer hair this season. Ocho wasn't horrible but needed to stand up straighter cause his shoulders were hunched (Habit from football I'm sure) and he seemed pretty tentative for such a confident guy in rehearsal.

Judges' Decisions: Len took his hat off to Ocho and called him a diamond in the rough. Bruno said he was a HUGE, HUGE, HUGE, HUGE, HUGE, HUGE, untapped talent, and Carrie Ann thought Ocho had a little Somethin, Somethin, goin' on out there but needs work.

Following their performance, we got our first look at the Celebriquarium (Seriously, DWTS?? We're going with that??) where BB and the Grand Canyon would do her interviews with the contestants. Brooke did a good job and think she'll work out MUCH better than Sammy Davis. SCORE: 18

Next up was the "Bad Girl of Beverly Hills" Shannen "Brenda Pru" Doherty and her dance partner Mark "Prince of the Ballroom" Ballas. Shannen told us immediately that she's doing DWTS for her dad (Awww. That is sweet) and Mark told us that he's doing it to win cause he is the boy who would be KING!!

In rehearsal, Shannen does NOT live up to her "bad girl" hype as she's more of a shy baby learning her first steps and may actually break out in hives when they perform cause she is SUCH the stress puppy about performing in front of a LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE audience and viewers.

Brenda Pru and Prince Mark danced the Viennese Waltz and Mark looked sharp in his tux while Shannen looked awkward in her dress. Anyway, Brenda was stiff and mechanical in her movements and lacked grace and fluidity. But what did the judges think?

Judges' Decisions: Bruno said that Shannen swung her arms like a primate. (Brenda Pru fans everywhere looked shocked and screamed, "No. he. did-N'T!!) Carrie Ann was impressed that Shannen took on such an ambitious routine but still was rough throughout. Len thought Shannen had ease and elegance and it was well done. (WHAT?!?! Are you off your meds??)

In the Celebriquarium, Brenda Pru weepily interviewed how she did this for her dad and she has SO torched her "bad girl" image. (No drama happin' here folks, move along . . .) SCORE: 18

Erin (ESPN) Andrews and Maksim "Maks" Chmerkovskiy followed them with their Cha Cha and in rehearsal footage we saw that Maks wants Erin to shut it cause his only pleasure is to bitch at people and she's not letting him. (snort!) Maks: "That was perfect" Erin: ~looking at camera~ "Did you get that?" Maks: "Shoosh!"

They performed their Cha Cha and the first thing you couldn't miss, besides the LOUD, frilly, short yellow dress, about ESPN Erin was that the girl's got legs. And she seems tall too. She danced well but her hips need to move more if she is going to really nail the Latin dances.

Judges' Decisions: Carrie Ann was surprised and said Erin's got good moves but still needs work. Len thought she a was funky monkey and it was a great routine but also needs work on straightening her legs. Bruno liked the zest and vitality but agreed with Lenny about the leg being straight. SCORE: 21

Sigh. Now for the shameless promotion of another of Mickey Mouse's shows as we see Jake "The Bachelor" Pavelka meeting his dance pro, Chelsie Hightower, for the first time at an airport . . . by a plane . . . cause Jake's a pilot (Get IT??? Huh?? Didja? Didja?) and they have their very own "rose" ceremony. (pardon me while I go violently retch)

In rehearsal, Jake felt dumb because he's not a great dancer. (You were on The Bachelor and dancing is what you feel dumb about doing?? Seriously?!?!) Chelsey said Jake just needed to take it day by day and dance his heart out. (bleh.)

We cut to the live performance and rose petals were falling (Oh, puh-LEASE!) and Jake had ANOTHER rose for Chelsea as they danced the Viennese Waltz. Chelsey's dress was lovely and Jake looked handsome and unfortunately wasn't completely horrible or anything so he'll probably stick around for a few weeks. Big Tom, always with the quick quip, informed us that DWTS used up its rose petal budget with that number. (Hee!)

Judges' Decisions: Len said that The Bachelor moved very well but needed work on his posture and that his bum kept sticking out in the holds. Bruno commented that Jake needed to calm down and not bash Chelsey about (ouch!) and Carrie Ann was impressed cause they worked the romance into the dance and Jake had a bravado that's easy to watch but needed to work on his posture. SCORE: 20

Niecy Nash and Louis Van Amstel were next dancing the Cha-Cha. Niecy stated that she's a Big Woman and something about Louie being the Ying to her Yang. She informed all of us that she is proud to be a thick grown woman and doesn't want to lose her jiggly parts. Ohhh-kay.

They danced the Cha Cha and she reminded me a bit of Tina Turner in the outfit she wore and the spunky attitude. Not particularly exciting but not bad either.

Judges' Decisions: Bruno commented that Niecy needs to focus more cause it went wrong in places. Carrie Ann thought Niecy's energy was fantastic and she love it. Len thought it was clean, clear, and precise but kinda bland. Big Tom's advice to Niecy regarding the judges comments? "Don't listen to them, they're only the judges." (Heh!)

In the Celebriquarium, Niecy said she dedicated that performance to all the THICK girls everywhere. Good for her. Btw - I liked how BB moved the interviews along. SCORE: 18

And then it was the GOLD medalist men's figure skater himself, Evan Lysacek, and his dance pro Anna "Ms Scarlett" Trebunskaya. (Wow is her hair RED or what?) Evan is known as the "suicide trainer" cause he works. so. HARD. In rehearsal we discovered that Evan isn't used to turning in a different direction and got dizzy and stepped on his own foot. Uh, oh.

Golden Boy and Anna danced the Viennes Waltz and Evan looked really long and slim in his tux while Anna was all silvery and shimmery on the dance floor. Evan was very graceful and fluid which didn't surprise me at all given his figure skating background and his turns were better than most of the women dancing the waltz.

Judges' Decisions: Carrie Ann told Evan that he was GOOD but he needed to watch his toes and needs to make a connection with the audience. Len thought their routine had great artistry and Evan's posture was good but he had clumsy feet and needs more chemistry with Anna. Bruno said something crazy about Evan having the wingspan of a 747 and the grace of a swan so whatever. SCORE: 23

Following probably THE best men's performance of the night is a clip from the Space Station telling Buzz Aldrin good luck in his upcoming performance. (All the conspiracy people out there were saying, "Yeah, right. That was SO from a stage set on Universal Studios.") Thus, the introduction to Buzz "Lightyear" Aldrin and his dance partner Ashly Costa [ Pro dancer from the first three seasons of DWTS ].

Buzz, as history will tell you, is the original moon walker and he's 80 years old, folks. Sigh. Oh, and they have a clip of Buzz's wife and that is one scary lookin lady. Buzz thought Ashly was a "really cute babe" (Ok, I didn't need to hear that.) and Ashly said that Buzz in in great shape for his age but was a little concerned about his ability to remember the routine. Buzz also said he was excited because though "he stepped on the moon, now he would be dancing with the stars."

Buzz took on the Cha Cha and it amounted to walkstep, walkstep, shuffle, walkstep, bouncestep, bouncestep, arm out, bounce step . . . Oy! Kudos to Ashly for NOT over dancing around Buzz like some of the female pros have done in the past. Still, not even Ashly could save this routine. He did look like he was having fun though.

Judges' Decisions: Len commended Buzz for his bravery in doing the show. Bruno said it was like doing the Cha Cha in moon boots. Carrie Ann told Buzz that he inspired a lot of people to get out there and dance. I loved Big Tom's question to Len following Len's comments about Buzz's dancing: "How's that British Space program coming along?" (ZING!)

Back in the Celebriquarium, Brooke respectfully honors Buzz Aldrin and Buzz kept his chin up and was a classy guy. Definitely a great American hero, but definitely not a good dancer. SCORE: 14 (Don't worry, Buzz Lightyear may not make it to the finals or beyond, but he'll probably last for a few weeks IF he creates the Leechman like buzz that will get him the votes from the senior viewers)

And then it was time for Pussycat Doll, Nicole Scherzinger, dancing with Derek Hough. Nicole doesn't think her dance ability with the PCDs will really help her with ballroom dancing but she just hopes that when they dance the Viennese Waltz that they will be Sir Derek and Lady Nicole.

In their performance, Nicole wore a very nice white dress and looked stunning throughout. Elegant. Graceful. Fluid. (Totally this season's RINGER!).

Judges' Decisions: Bruno was astounded at how good it was. Carrie Ann said the bar had been set for the competition. Lenny? Oh, Lenny was not fooled by all the grace and elegance and beauty of the performance. No siree. Look past the facade and the footwork was not there and musicality was off and oh, be quiet Len. (Seriously, I KNOW Len's probably the one judge qualified to make those statements but REALLY?? He thought it was that bad? Sheesh!)

Nicole did say back in the Celebriquarium that ballroom dancing is a far cry from chest pumps and booty drops so . . . . SCORE: 25

The Soap Star, Aiden Turner, was up next with his partner Edyta Sliwinska and in the pre-performance footage I found myself already bored with this guy. He's just another of a long line of past soap stars on this show and wasn't too impressed.

They danced the Cha Cha and Aiden was stiff and had almost no hip action so he's gonna struggle on all the Latin dances. Edyta with the coat didn't fool anyone cause we all knew she was gonna strip it off and have almost nothing on underneath. Big Tom commented on Edyta's attire when he said that "we're one gust away from an FCC fine with that one."

Judges' Decisions: Bruno observed that Aiden was stiff as a plank while Carrie Ann mentioned the lack of hip action. Len was not happy about the performance only having Edyta shaking her wobbly bits about. (HAHAHAHAHA!) SCORE: 15

On to Kate Gosslin and Tony Dovolani. The rumor mill said that Kate was a real prima donna backstage and in rehearsals and is ANYONE surprised?? In rehearsal Tony questioned Kate's really wanting to be on DWTS and Kate assures him that she wants to do it . . . for all the moms, people.

They danced the Viennese Waltz and Kate looked stiff and nervous and posture was not good. And wasn't that a lift at the end? ( Hmm. Are lifts allowed this season? I forget)

Judges Decisions: Len said it lacked fluidity and Kate looked nervous. Bruno thought the technique was terrible. Carrie Ann was impressed with Kate's sweet vulnerability. SCORE: 16

Our last "star" of the night was former Baywatch babe, Pamela Anderson, dancing with new comer Damian Whitewood. In rehearsal, Pam was without makeup and she looked normal which was a nice change. The one funny moment was when Damian's face ran into Pam's personal floatation devices during rehearsal.

Pam was channeling Charo with the ultra short hot pink dress for the Cha Cha performance and though I hate to admit it, she was decent and could be a contender but its too soon to call.

Judges Decisions: Bruno yelled sex, sex, sex, and then said Striperella is back! (Google it and you'll know what he was talking about, folks) Carrie Ann was wanting most to see Pam dance and liked how she was fully engaged. Lenny wasn't impressed and thought overall it was a mess. (I think Lenny must have missed his daily suppository or something.) Oh, and Big Tom acting like a twelve year old standing next to Pamela was a hoot!

Back in the Celebriquarium, it seemed like Pam was all over the place in her interview and wondered if she was on something. SCORE: 21

Well, boys and girls, that wrapped up Week 1 Performances. Next week there will be another performance to score on Monday night and THEN the results show on Tuesday so see ya then and find out who is the FIRST to get the HOOK. And a 5, 6, 7, 8 . . .